Thursday, September 11, 2008

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Stupidest King Arthur Products

10.The Doughnut Pan
Why would anyone bake a donut?
Donuts are designed to be the fattiest most delicious food in the history of delicious fatty foods why ruin them by making them dry and bland.







9. The Muffin Top pan











8. The Individual Slice Pie Pans


The Idea Behind this is that you cook a slice of pie in each little wedge.





7. The Carrot Cake Pan


What the Fuck is wrong with these people!














6. The Individual Muffin Heart Pans

This is only in here because of the sheer "Why the Hell" factor













5. The Pie Crust Mix

They say all you have to do is add water and butter, but all pie crust is flour, water, and butter. Hmmmmm.


4. The Pumpkin Cake Pan
Why the hell would any buy this












3. The Brownie Edge Pan


Just look at it!










2. The Airplane Pan


This is pretty damn stupid. The things don't even look like planes.

















1. The Human Baby Pan



The actual name of this is the Lemon Loaf Pan but I think it looks a hell-of-a-lot more like a human child in a crib or something than whatever the hell a "lemon-loaf is.



















EDIT
The "PB&J Spreader

quote:

Are your kids fussy about foods TOUCHING one another? (If you’re a mom, you know what we mean.) This spreader keeps peanut butter and jelly in their jars where they belong: no messy mixing!

  • Use the brown end for peanut butter, the purple for jelly.
  • 12” silicone dual-purpose spreader is perfect for butter and cream cheese, too.
  • Dishwasher-safe.





Yes These are exactly what they Look Like, Onion Goggles.
One fears for the future of the human race.
From a review :

"My eyes are super sensitive to onions and these though they look silly are great! I no longer have to leave the room multiple times while cutting onions!"
Please if this was your reaction go outside and remove your testicles (or ovaries) as to prevent yourself from poisoning the earth with your seed.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Silly Rabit, World Domination is for Hitler

(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.

There are so many things wrong with this. ITS A DAMN PIECE OF TEXT, IT IS NOT A SENTIENT BEING!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR IT TO BE A FUCKING DICTATOR
Whoever invented this atrocity should be dropped off a three story building and left there for several days with a continuous drop of water falling on his forehead what the hell is wrong with people when they think text has the power to be a dictator. Damn.

Wow, that was really stupid. Not pointless though.

Saint Patrick my Ass

It only comes once a year. Thank God. What I’m thinking of is of course Saint Patrick’s Day perhaps humanity’s biggest screw-up. I would hope everybody sees the reasoning in this extreme generalization. But in case you don’t here’s a list of everything foul about this incredibly pointless holiday.

First, a brief History of Saint Patrick. The holiday was originally celebrated in Ireland to commemorate St. Patrick’s life. Saint Patrick was captured by Irish Raiders and was guided by visions and the voice of God, or so the story goes the real truth is probably that he was a rich priest who bribed himself out of captivity and then longing for immortality wrote about the incident saying that God talked to him. Either that or he was suffering from schizophrenia (which was very common during that time period) that had been influenced by his life in religion. Bam instant sainthood. It is understandable However that the Irish would celebrate his life, Patrick put it God had talked to him personally telling him what he should do. The Irish at that time couldn’t have known that this was a form of schizophrenia so I don’t really blame them for that; they simply thought he was hero for Ireland. However…

The holiday has become utterly pointless. There might have been some point to it at its conception but what is the reason now, nobody knows the story behind this holiday, even if they did they should have figured out by now that Patrick’s writing was either a product of his thirst for immortality or a product of his schizophrenia; either way that doesn’t explain why that doesn’t explain why people especially Americans (who the whole affair had no effect on) MOREOVER THE UNITED STATES WASN’T EVEN IN EXISTENCE AT THAT TIME!!! So why is it such a big deal?

It’s annoying. The point of the holiday now seems to be giving people an excuse to inflict bodily harm on those who don’t conform to their standards of wearing green. Commie Bastards. That’s the only one way to describe these people.
This is a true story that took place on March seventeenth 2008. I had just stepped off the bus and was standing pleasantly with two of my friends. When I hear a voice yell.
“Clero’s (Not my actual name obviously) not wearing green, lets pinch him!” yells S (again not his real name obviously) so S proceeds to pinch me several times so I turn around, kick his shin (lame I know), slug him in the gut (again, lame) but now he’s confused and the breath is knocked out of him so I choke slam him into one of the steel pillars supporting the portico then I simply walked away and continued my conversation about Super Smash Bros. Brawl. This is the funny part, S screams at me for “Attacking him for no reason” you have got to be kidding me.
When I point out that my actions were in self defense he just says that he’s allowed to because I didn’t wear green. What the hell? It’s still assault you dumbass! This happened several times that day with the same result.

So a holiday celebrated to remember an Irish hero come to America and is transformed into an excuse to inflict bodily harm on people. It’s not just pinching either people have distorted the traditional American code of St. Patrick’s day conduct, no the original atrocities of the holiday have ballooned into punching, kicking, embedding graphite under one’s epidermis, etc, etc.

As you can see this holiday has become too much so join me in boycotting it in protest. Don’t wear green. If someone pinches you, just tell a teacher or if you’re not in school report sexual harassment to your employer. Problem solved.

Does this Post Seem Outdated to you? If your answer is no then you should probably get pills for that. However to those of you who said "Why the fuck is he writing a rant about about Saint Patrick in the middle of September" I actually wrote it on March 31st and I have just moved it from my crappy forumotion site over to blogspot.